Many men struggle after divorce (even more than women). Many of my male clients claim they never saw it coming as they were busy providing for their family and were under the impression that they were giving their wife what they desired. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, they were completely blind-sided with the conversation of divorce or the papers themselves. Some wives got caught cheating. Some men knew it was time and left on their own. However it happens, I believe divorce is harder, most times, for men because they feel so alone and abandoned. They typically lose their mutual friends in the divorce and they have let their old friendships fall by the wayside, and now they have no one to come home to and the kids are mostly with the ex. It’s like your ship capsized in the middle of the ocean and the only thing left is your life raft. There isn’t even a paddle to help you navigate these new, unknown, vast waters. Dating after divorce can really be a challenge for men. So where do you start?
First, embrace the free time you now have to create a life you love and enjoy.
You now have more time to spend on the things that really make you happy or, perhaps, you could learn something new. It’s important during your healing process to take time for yourself. Spend time grieving, but don’t let it consume you. Be good to yourself; incorporate things into your day that bring you joy. What have you always wanted to learn that you didn’t have time for while married? Are there certain hobbies you have always wanted to try?
If you have kids, it is a serious adjustment to not see them every day. Fill that time with taking care of yourself and participating in things bring you joy. Many times, divorce is harder on men because they have let their guy friendships fall to the side to spend time with other couples during the marriage. Now is the time to call on old friends (if available) and create new ones. Go to networking events, meetup.com interest groups, running or biking clubs, or cigar lounges (if that is your thing). The main idea is to cultivate new friendships if your old ones have become distant memories. Now is the time to create a wonderful space that you are excited to go home to and spend your time on things you love and with people you enjoy. It’s important not to skip this first step in creating your new best life or you will get stuck in a toxic relationship or a meaningless relationship that just fills a void.
Once you are in a good place mentally, it’s time to date! If you haven’t dated in a while, this can be daunting. We’ll start with the easy stuff. Before you even start to date, make sure your house is in order and you know how to dress and make a good first impression. You should have 3-4 date outfits that you can wear in different combinations for different looks. If you struggle with this, hire an image/style consultant or you can go to any big department store and ask for a personal shopper. Then go to a salon or barber and trim things up so you’re date ready. Your smile is so important for creating a lasting first impression so make sure you whiten them! After you’ve completed these steps, you’re ready to meet ladies!
Where are you going to meet single ladies?
There are 3 main approaches to dating in the modern world. Virtual dating, meeting others in person, or hiring a matchmaker to do all the work for you. In this blog, we’ll focus on the first two. There are so many dating sites and apps. My recommendation would be to pick 2-3, at most, as this can be very time consuming. Bumble, Hinge, Match, and Tinder are the most popular. There are always new ones popping up, but they are not as highly saturated with singles and, after all, it’s a numbers game when it comes to meeting women virtually. Many of the ladies won’t respond, they’ll ghost you, or they are scammers. So write an interesting profile, get great photos, and beware of online dating red flags.
Where to meet people in person?
Networking events, meetup groups, coffee shops – really anywhere you see a lady your style. Meetup.com has a wide range of interest groups including singles groups. Pick a couple interest groups that are aligned with your interests and hobbies. You will not only meet new friends, you will also meet ladies who align with your personality. There are also a lot of speed dating events out there which usually have more women than men. Speed dating is a great way to meet a lot of singles at one time and get a little dating practice. When you are out and about, try to be present. If you see an interesting lady, strike up a conversation. If you are at the grocery store, ask for help. People love helping others, and they won’t feel like you are hitting on them if you are simply asking a question. After divorce, spend time dating to learn what you like before getting into a serious relationship. Just go out there, have fun, and meet new people! Create new friendships with men and women, date and enjoy yourself until you meet the right lady for you.
If you want to chat about how we can help attract the right ladies for you, schedule a free consultation here.